With never ending design projects looming over the head throughout the semesters, I was a night person. Come home by 7, draft sheets, have dinner, start designing. And to stay up all night, have coke, listen to crap music and basically have more coke again. Days and nights were blurred, and rarely would I have a schedule that would go on for a week. Either way, I enjoyed that very much. It gave an amateur a feel of what architecture school is all about. Late nights, coffee/coke breaks, missing meals, running without bathing, sleeping or even without money.
While my other friends who were pursuing different fields would be out for drinks, or would go for weekend trips, I would be in my PJs contemplating which material would hold my model the best. I forgot what music had once meant in my life, and friends would adjust their schedules according to mine because, deadlines. I would term that phase of my life, hectic.
More than losing touch with my friends, I was losing touch with my own voice. No value of decision making, no respect for my own design ideas because of the fear of judgment of ‘practicality’, and certainly no love for my mental health and body. I was on a verge of a breakdown. Of course it wasn’t that bad, the kind where you really stop functioning. It was the kind where you start questioning why exactly you do certain things, when it no longer gives you satisfaction.
I knew had to change. While I knew how important designing was for me, being sleep deprived and eating Lay’s for lunch wasn’t exactly the lifestyle I wanted. So, I took upon the challenge of a drastic change. I knew it wouldn’t be easy so I gave myself a year.
On 31st December, 2015 I wrote a letter, noting what I would have achieved when I would open the same letter in 2016 end. Goals, little lifestyle habits, maybe exercising, achieving balance and patience. I needed all to get back on track.
And so, when I opened my windows at 4.00 am in the morning on 1st January, 2016 and sat down on my yoga mat for my first deep breath towards a happier year, I knew immediately that I connected with a spirit that I had long forgotten.